We're Jews. When you look at our pubic hair, it should look like Ewoks should be in there.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

Perhaps true faith is a form of insanity.

One can become ‘Embodiment of Love’ [Prem Swaroop], only when there is no my-ness [mamata].

The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.

We cling to words like drowning men to straws. But still we drown, we drown.

I was so humiliated, hurt, spurned, offended, angry, sorry--I cannot hit upon the right name for the smart--God knows what its name was--that tears started to my eyes.

I know that even the meanest person has still at his disposition high-sounding words wherewith to mask his real character.

When you fall in love you recognise you're not the most important person in the world, and your focus becomes another person.

When you're too close to people, when you spend too much time with them and love them too dearly, sometimes you can't see them

We're gonna totally sell out and try to dominate the world

The business of government is to keep the government out of business - that is, unless business needs government aid.