We're all real people with moments of intense honesty and pathos and humanity. We all experience that, whether you're comedic or not.

My daughter got me a 'World's Best Dad' mug. So we know she's sarcastic.

If you're committed enough, you can make any story work. I once told a woman I was Kevin Costner, and it worked because I believed it.

You say you're going to be the pope, become the pope.

Don't say you're going to stop eating red meat when you like red meat.

If you surround me with darkness, suddenly, I am "somewhat fun."

Everybody needs some good sketch comedy.

We don't feel constrained by what we did in the past.

The world needs less destruction.

The laugh is what trumps everything.

You shouldn't eat red meat, but you shouldn't make resolutions you can't keep.

There need not be a purpose to a person's death, other than that they have lived the length of their days on this Earth and now begin the longer part of their existence.

Having unthoughtful thoughts for me is unthinkable, so much so that I cannot even think about that.

The Church today is more likely to alienate than to seduce...

Being a comedian, you're under pressure. You have to deal with stress and pressure to perform - to deal with pressure without stress.

A long war is degenerating - it ruins the mind and the soul and psyche of individuals and nations.

Be happy and comfortable with who you are, whoever it may be.

Policies that emanate from ivory towers often have an adverse impact on the people out in the field who are fighting the wars or bringing in the revenues.

I think you can tell the food is close to my heart, too, because I'm doing what I do best.

When it comes to dating, Im straightforward and traditional with a twist.

But I don't regret anything that I've gone through, because it makes me who I am.