We're never gonna move forward if we can't let go of things, especially things that don't happen to people today.

If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.

Poverty is not the root cause of crime.

Liberals attempt through judicial activism what they cannot win at the ballot box.

We're not sexists, we're chauvinists - we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want.

End results that work that don’t involve government threaten liberals.

You know why there's a Second Amendment? In case the government fails to follow the first one.

Styrofoam and plastic milk jugs are biodegradable! Do you know what isn't biodegradable? Paper!

I think cigars are just a tremendous addition to the enjoyment of life.

The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies.

In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?

The only time you've been under me is when I've been inside of you and even then, you're never truly under me. I always remain under you.

The God of Romans 9–11 finds ways to show mercy, even when the facts clamor for judgment. This doesn’t sound much like Calvinism to me, but it does sound a whole lot like Jesus.

I'm possessed by love - but isn't everybody?

I don't wanna be that kind of guy that just sits there and announces things.

I am a sundial, and I make a botch Of what is done much better by a watch.

People say Yogi (Berra) is a strange guy, and I've heard Yogi say some funny things. But he has a beautiful wife, he's rich, and he's famous. I don't see anything strange about that.

This shirt is "dry-clean only"... Which means it's dirty.

I make no claim to being a business genius. You can make so much money in this business that it loses its value.

Because this is the beauty of strangers: we're all just doing our best to help each other out, motivated not by karma but by a natural instinct to help the greater whole.

This isn't meant to last. This is for right now.