We should call editorials what they are: columns written by committees.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

We only perceive God when we receive people

Sometimes I feel better around you. I kind of like your face' -Nick

I have a portrait of Saint Thomas More in my office.

The brightest attractions to the lover too often prove the husband's greatest torments

A firm faith in the universal providence of God is the solution of all earthly troubles.

The shorter and the plainer the better.

You can't get more appreciation than that, to be elected by the fans. That's the ultimate, really.

One of the best kept secrets in America is that people are aching to make a commitment, if they only had the freedom and environment in which to do so.

The magical dust of Christmas glittered on the cheeks of humanity ever so briefly, reminding us of what is worth having and what we were intended to be.

The Disney deal created some wrinkles. I'm under contract. But I'm on standby.