We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

One who uses many periods is a philosopher many interrogations a student many exclamations a fanatic.

The open road still softly calls, like a nearly forgotten song of childhood

The meek may inherit the earth, but they wont get the ball from me.

We generally change ourselves for one of two reasons: inspiration or desperation.

Some women are meant to change the world while others are meant to hold it together.

Give dysgenic groups [people with 'bad genes'] in our population their choice of segregation or [compulsory] sterilization.

Take time to play! Ask for what you want. Laugh. Live loudly. Be avid. Learn a new thing. Be Yourself!

If I have any talent at all, it is not for doing but for being.

Go on, dear brother; but an inch of time remains, and then eternal ages roll on for ever--but an inch on which we can stand and preach the way of salvation to a perishing world.

Trust, in its most primitive form, is based on authenticity, not flawlessness.