We thought New York City was home to 8 million rats. Turns out, that's a little high. The actual number is 2 million rats. That explains the light turnout for the midterm elections.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Success doesn't happen in a vacuum. You’re only as good as the people you work with and the people you work for.

Anyone with an engineering frame of mind will look at [accounting standards] and want to throw up.

I think the blood is spilling in Syria and it's mostly Muslims.

If you start getting instability in large powers with nuclear weapons, that's not a good day.

The Imperial Service could win a war without coffee, but would prefer not to have to.

It is a very wonderful experience indeed, when, at fifty years old, you suddenly discover that for the first time in your life, you are really free to be yourself.

The only limitations we face are the ones we place upon ourselves

I love how Jamie Oliver makes seasonal, local foods in a rustic way, without a lot of fuss.

I don't look at money as success. I look at it as an avenue to freedom.

I think personal style starts from within because it´s a philosophy and an attitude. If you´re honest and true to yourself, you will have the best sense of personal style.