We've got Nancy Pelosi. She never shuts up. It's just occasionally we have to hood her like a falcon so we can get some sleep.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

Who told you it was too late? And more importantly, why did you choose to believe them?

I knew nothing but shadows and I thought them to be real.

People only tell you to not to judge them when they know they're doing something that deserves judgement.

I know a lot of sad people who aren't comedians.

It's always great to discover a new star of tomorrow

History is tangled, messy, contradictory. But is where we are.

And the words we find are always insufficient, like love, though they are often lovely and all we have.

In medieval times, artists had patrons that supported them and this is a similar thing, ... We're basically saying, 'Wouldn't you like to be a part of this'

I remember once, actually the first race I ran, I fell.

When things get dark, they're going to get darker, and at that very moment, that's when you hang on that much tighter because that's when salvation and light come.