We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons.

After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.

I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.

So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it."

The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.

She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.

It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.

I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.

My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.

We don't forgive people because they deserve it. We forgive them because they need itwe need it.

I had one elegantly folded cookie—a short paper nerve baked in an ear.

It's not your client's obligation, or your obligation, to prove your client's innocence. It is the prosecution's obligation to - to prove you're client's guilt.

One had better not rush, otherwise dung comes out rather than creative work.

If you have time to worry, you have time to make du'a.

Hitting the kid with the ball might get you the ball, but it won't get you anyone to throw it to.

The you that goes in one side of the meditation experience is not the same you that comes out the other side.

From politics it was an easy step to silence.

Where is the Palestinian Gandhi?

I forget how good I've got it sometimes, how lucky I am just to be alive. And I pass good prayer to the man upstairs just to thank him like I should. Yeah you know, I get it... I've got it good.