We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Such a distant, forgotten thing, this Light.

No act of knowledge acquisition is entirely without risk.

Poets make the best topographers.

Recording music is not really the healthiest thing for the body.

Grief is Newark. It's there. Can't avoid it. The idea is to hold your nose, hope the traffic's not too bad and get on to Manhattan as quickly as possible.

Now is the only time there is... Make your now wow, your minutes miracles, and your days pay!

When I was old enough to change my name, I changed it to Mr. T so that the first word out of someone's mouth was 'Mister,' a sign of respect.

The chromatic scale is what you use to give the effect of drinking a quinine martini and having an enema simultaneously.

I don't like looking back.

This idea that things are designed to go back to nature or industry for ever which is our articulation of these two metabolisms are actually a discovery not an invention.