We want to do a lot of stuff we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

A small event as tiny as a drop of a pin can change the direction of your entire life

That's depressing, when somebody says "please" to you.

I am not the law, but I represent justice so far as my feeble powers go.

No one who is at all acquainted with the Indian in his home can deny that we are a polite people.

I admire Serena Williams, because, I mean, who doesn't admire Serena Williams?

Do what you dream of doing and never lose sight of that

To me, nature is sacred. Trees are my temples and forests are my cathedrals.

RULERS should be careful about what songs are allowed to be sung.

I don't know exactly how long the book as we know it will exist, but I fully expect to make it to my death without having to give up on books.

Life is as inexorable as the sea.