We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

You can either complain about it or grind, I choose to grind.

A smile is a reflection of your dancing heart and your joyful soul.

Since the world is ending, ” Peter quoted from behind us, “why not let the children touch the paintings?

Learning to love yourself is easier when you have someone to show you how.

The commerce of intellect loves distant shores. The small retail dealer trades only with his neighbor; when the great merchant trades he links the four quarters of the globe.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it without a sense of ironic futility.

The media, is media. You always have to take the media with a grain of salt. You can't believe everything you read.

Success goes thus invariably with a certain plus or positive power: an ounce of power must balance an ounce of weight.

Nostalgia could be considered a disease because you're living now.

I've got it made. I've got a wife and a TV set - and they're both working.