We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Forget yesterday - it has already forgotten you. Don't sweat tomorrow - you haven't even met. Instead, open your eyes and your heart to a truly precious gift - today.

I capture women. I break them down. And I rebuild them. And I am not a good man.

But my dear man, reality is only a Rorschach ink-blot, you know.

Pierre [from Dude, Where's My Car?] could be the best thing I've ever done. When you distill it down to a minute and a half of work, that may be my finest effort.

People thought becoming an adult meant that all your acts had consequences; in fact it was just the opposite.

I do have a couple of pets, but I am determined to keep them out of the media spotlight.

I'm just being myself. To me, that people are interested in Jenni, not necessarily the artist, but the woman it amazes me still.

Mediocre men sometimes fear great office, and when they do not aim at it, or when they refuse it, all that is to be concluded is that they are aware of their mediocrity.

People have this obsession. They want you to be like you were in 1969. They want you to, because otherwise their youth goes with you. It's very selfish, but it's understandable.

Confession is the sacrament of the tenderness of God, his way of embracing us.