We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, 'He wants his mother.'

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Often you don't know whether a woman is friend, enemy or lover until it is too late. Sometimes, she is all three.

Mara, that's the life I want to give you. That's what I'm offering you. I want to fill you life with color and warmth. I want to fill it with light. Give me a chance

Education is a journey of the mind to kindle the fire of imagination.

You do not need an identity to become yourself

I did not go through the Book. The Book went through me.

We understand that as public figures, we are a target for people who have nothing to lose in their quest for fame and easy money, ... preposterous, slanderous and defamatory lies.

In order not to be astonished at obtaining victories, one ought not to think only of defeats.

"Benedetto" means the "blessed one" and I feel that I have truly been blessed.

Do diddle di do, Poor Jim Jay Got stuck fast In Yesterday.

I venture to say that every man who is not presumably incapacitated by some consideration of personal unfitness or of political danger is morally entitled to come within the pale of the Constitution.