We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children? Well, she and I were.

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.

My life needs editing.

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago. Because when I die, I want to still remain active politically.

When Obama ran, he said, We can change the world! The world: can you change it back?!

There's a danger our fiscal bankruptcy might overtake our moral bankruptcy.

A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.

Remember that no matter how selfish, how cruel, how unfeeling you have been today, every time you take a breath, you make a flower happy.

The fact is that you can't have a good relationship with a girl who hasn't settled things with her father.

One thing about being narrow-minded: you'll never be lonely.

...action is in fact knowledge in operation. Right action stems from right knowledge. Right knowledge is acquired through the teacher.

Each instance of sexual harassment has to be judged on its merits. Facts, timing, motives, credibility: all must be considered before we make up our own minds what to believe.

I stay away from churches in which I feel like I have to pretend I'm a better person than I am. That sort of thing moves my faith backwards.

The weather is perfect. The gods are shining on us.

Celebrities are fun, but you don't really get a lot out of them. It's not like they're going to sit and tell you the most interesting thing, unless you're friends with them.

Tom [McCarthy] said to me, "Buddy, you got an Oscar nomination through that haircut! That's the real feat, man."

You can go to heaven if you want. I'd rather stay in Bermuda.

There’s a period of time in your life when I kind of look back, and I’m like, was I happy, or was I just not aware?

I definitely feel there's room for improvement.