Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

That's the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.

What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?

We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.

The truth is, most of us discover where we are headed when we arrive.

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.

Selling out is usually more a matter of buying in. Sell out, and you’re really buying into someone else’s system of values, rules and rewards.

Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.

Rank and status do not represent power when surrounded by negativity.

I missed the moment when time collapsed and memory was erased, replaced by finicky social experiments, lost in the blur of intoxication, sucked through multi-colored bendy-straws

When your kids are their hungriest, put out raw vegetables and dip - simple. It takes two seconds. We did it before dinner at 5 o'clock. Then when dinnertime comes, they've already eaten vegetables.

The majority of people who join law enforcement are doing it for good, moral reasons, but then there are the few who get through, where you go, 'Whoa, hold on a second. What's this guy doing here?'

This morning my dad called me up and said, 'So, tonight's your last show, huh.' And I said, 'No, Dad, that's someone else.'

I am like my characters - sometimes even the female ones.

Contrast the experience with something worse and you cannot help feeling happy and grateful because... The change from trouble to comfort gives us more pleasure than uninterrupted comfort does.

The secret known to two is no longer a secret.

If you want to remain at liberty, I suggest you not antagonize your defenders.

The most important question in American cinema, I've learned, is 'When is lunch?'