Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.

As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.

The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.

If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.

The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.

If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.

Every star, turning in the black depth of heaven, burns for no better reason than that humanity raised its face to look. Every great deed needs to be witnessed. Go out there and do something great.

It’s not the win that matters so much as recognizing and respecting its value.

If you are feeling constrained by a group that you belong to, ask yourself, “How can I participate in this community and still be who I am?

We wanted Nike to be the world's best sports and fitness company. Once you say that, you have a focus. You don't end up making wing tips or sponsoring the next Rolling Stones world tour.

No, I'm a horrible singer, I'm awful.

The greatest weapon we have against evil is doing good in Jesus' name.

You really wanna up your game when you're around Donald Trump and do your best for him.

You have to live in a state of thinking your painting is good, or you couldn't do it.

The world, even the smallest parts of it, is filled with things you don't know.

Whether it's making a film or raising my children, personally I'm striving to do the right things and to learn.