Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

Faith is such a wonderful thing. Without it, we would be panicky when we feel like we're standing alone and when the things we need and yearn for seem to be beyond our reach.

Young people are experts on leisure, water skiing, dancing, rock music, rapping, TV watching . . . by and large, chores are a thing of the past.

One of the primary purposes of civilization - and certainly its primary strength - is the guarantee that family life can flourish in unity, peace, and order.

The truth is always more powerful and stronger than love, because the love becomes powerless in the absence of the truth.

Even before I had a daughter, I was passionate about global women's issues, but now that she's here, I'm even more inspired to leave a better world for Evangeline.

Perhaps it would really be rather dull to be married and settled for life. Liar! It would be heaven.

Spain: A whale stranded upon the coast of Europe.

Publication is almost certainly a punishment for having written a book.

Why should we not pray to our mother who are in heaven, as well as to our father?

The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes. Everyone else is struggling.