Well, I'm sold. I'll take one America.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

On a surface level, all one finds is repeated forms of shallow whispers. Having the courage to explore deeply, a wealth of buried infinite lifetimes emerge - an undeniable force.

Expect little, and we live up to the expectation. Expect a lot, and we stretch and grow to meet the expectation.

You're a Scott, " the Dark said, his lips peeled back in displeasure, as if just saying the word was revolting."And you're Irish. I'm so glad we got that settled.

I think of birth as the search for a larger apartment.

I think people have to be given - or take - the permission to say that something is nothing. Just because it's in a museum doesn't mean it's anything.

All men are equal — all men, that is to say, who possess umbrellas.

But let me open up my heart to you completely, my friends: if there were gods, how could I bear not being a god! Hence, there areno gods. I drew this conclusion, to be sure--but now it draws me.

For a taste that's a bit more distinct, eat a bird before it's extinct.

I'm a bit of a control freak, so I always appreciate being inside the nuts and bolts of the music - I don't like newer programs that paper over your cracks.

When men can no longer be theists, they must, if they are civilized, become humanists.