Well, I play Jews and parrots. Parrots are how I've branched out.

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things.

A man goes to the doctor for a check, and the doctor exams him and says I've got bad news, you've got cancer and alzheimers. The man goes Thank god I don't have cancer.

I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.

I would show up at a party for Al Qaeda if you said there's going to be a dinner.

When you watch Robin Williams, you can see a lot of Jonathan Winters. Robin is the first one to admit that; he worshiped Jonathan Winters.

Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews.

Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either.

If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.

I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.

The divine is always abominable."Houses Under The Sea

Live the message, don't just read about it and preach.

Maybe more businesses should allow time for recess.

The proper rewards are not simply tacked on to the activity for which they are given, but are the activity itself in consummation.

Zero of Animal Life probably about 300 fathoms.

That flesh is but the glasse, which holds the dust That measures all our time; which also shall Be crumbled into dust.

The drug which makes sexuality palatable in popular mythology.

[Eva Braun] would also refer to [Adolf Hitler] as "the boss" (der Chef), but she never called him "Adolf" or "Adi" to anyone after the very early days. It was always der Führer.

We can have the final word on hate, neglect, disease and all the other insidious characters that still script their way into our stories...for now, but not forever.

I grabbed my drummer's cymbal in my teeth just as he crashed down on it with his sticks-I blacked out. I was a punk in those days. It was in Seattle. I still have all my teeth too, it's amazing.