Well, I refer to Celebrity Jeopardy as the short-bus Jeopardy, because it is a lot easier. Like, there was a whole column basically naming stores in New York.

Tell me what you want, and then I'll put in what I want... after I'm done with my codependent providing for you, I'll get a little for me too.

I watch mediocre shows that have been on for three or four seasons, and feel angry at them.

One of the big tensions in my life is that I have known the stresses of financial hardship since I was a little kid, and it is the cancer for which I am seeking a cure.

I mean, I'll say the filthiest things in the world, but when it comes down to it, I'm kind of a prude.

I think the people that are best at something, they don't think about it much. That's the whole key to being good at anything.

Aside from accidentally by my kids, like wrestling around with my kids, no one has ever punched me in the face.

I've always tried to be nice to people, so that sort of translates into popularity, I guess.

I briefly considered doing Edgar Allan Poe and just swearing a lot.

No, I don't know any Emily Dickinson poems!

Anything that I read, I read because I'm interested in it.

You’ll never be able to find yourself if you’re lost in someone else.

The heights by great men reached and kept were not attained in sudden flight but, they while their companions slept, they were toiling upwards in the night.

Instead of asking, “How can I ease my suffering?” yoga would have us ask, “How can I better serve my brothers and sisters?” Because only in answering the latter can we hope to answer the former.

Nothing here is more fabulous than the truth

We modern Christians are long on talk and short on conduct.

These jokes the world plays, they're not funny at all.

Did ever a man try heroism, magnanimity, truth, sincerity, and find that there was no advantage in them - that it was a vain endeavor?

How slow and still the time did drag along.

I am one of those who hold that poetry is never so blithe as in a wanton and irregular subject.

There's not a lot you can do about the national economy but there is a lot you can do about your personal economy.