Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on!

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

Life lies between the crossroads of the Nature of the Mind and the Mind of Nature.

Be proud of your people when you don't have to be ashamed of any of its social classes.

I don't think there is any philosophy that suggests having polio is a good thing.

I'm a black man that is proud to be black, and I want to help the black community, but I love all mankind.

Shoot what you can't help but shoot

Women or mothers in middle age or mid career have valuable life experience and may offer an untapped recruitment pool.

I have always abhorred the word racism. I never use it.

When someone gives me three reasons instead of one, I'm inclined not to believe any of them.

We’re grateful when all is well, but can we say the same on disastrous days?

Since the universe is stupid, it's no wonder that social Darwinism tends to support, promote and finance the evolution of fools.