Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

Even the darkest minds can be overcome with compassion

With solitude, however, fervently it is desired and embraced, comes loneliness. T. H White, the author, offered advice to those in sadness -- learn something new.

Love is a natural feeling, hatred is an acquired one.

The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.

Because sometimes in life, Ken didn't always choose Barbie. (Jane Alcott)

Success didn't spoil me I've always been insufferable.

Spiritual direction is an interpersonal relationship in which we learn how to grow, live, and love in the spiritual life.

I'm just playing ball. Trying not to think about it too much.

I don't see all the movies that come out.