Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."

'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

I've been on the whisky diet - I've already lost three days!

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

It is only when we meet the needs of the people around us that God meets our needs

Embrace the pain, Sharum.

If your content is good, your career just started.

To be happy, you must let go of all the negative beliefs, emotions and people that are holding you back in life.

Freedom of speech includes the freedom to offend people.

Success is not only the financial wealth you accumulate, it is also about being a leader, improving your relationships, living healthfully, and making a real difference in the world.

I'm a health nut, but when I eat, I go hard.

She's loving him with that body, I just know it.

A person with a positive attitude is like a fruit of all seasons.

Data is a precious thing and will last longer than the systems themselves.