What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Anytime you testify you have some amount of increase or the other, God does not want you to get satisfied

Choose not to prove how wrong others are, but choose to show them on how to be right

To know what is right and not do it is the worst cowardice.

I've spent too much time giving speeches, traveling the world.

The greatest benefit we owe to the artist, whether painter, poet, or novelist, is the extension of our sympathies.

The most primitive places left with us are the swamps, where the spruce still grows shaggy with usnea.

Georgian society can no longer be divided. I don't want to see our country's best minds leaving the country to try their luck abroad.

Ironically my brother died in a car accident shortly after Airbag was recorded. He's not an identical twin so I didn't care.

Social Engineering - The art of replacing what works with what sounds good.