What I write is emotionally honest and truthful as the human experience can be, to make people feel less alone, or at least that's the hope.

I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.

Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream

Dopamine is a chemical released in your brain and your body when you sleep that paralyzes your body so you don't act out your dreams.

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.

Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea.

It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others.

We will not suffer If we do not cause others to suffer.

Everything comes if a man will only wait.

We, too, need to be patient, especially when it comes to reaching new goals.

The only way to deliver to the people who are achieving is to not burden them with the people who are not achieving.

I think we owe absolutely everything to the fans.

The highest earthly enjoyments are but a shadow of the joy I find in reading God's Word.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I am always so happy to be at 'SNL.' I still feel like a kid when I'm there, like I can't believe I'm watching them make the show.

The ghosts swarm. They speak as one person. Each has left something undone.

The human race like to do things you are good at and avoid things that they are bad at. Avoiding it is the natural instinct.