What about Santa's cookies? I suppose 'parents' eat those, too?

We all know the moon isn't made out of green cheese...but if it was made out of barbeque spare ribs would you eat it?

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.

I've always wanted to sail around the world in a handmade boat and I built a boat.

A fashion plate, a rock star in his own mind, Megamind is more showman than deadly menace.

Whenever someone calls me ugly I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, you write on walls and you get poked by people you don't know

I have the physique a lot of people dream about having. It's my obligation to share it with the world.

Alcohol is like Photoshop for real life

I look good. I mean, really good. Hey everyone! Come and see how good I look!

I think my new iPhone 5S is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at work

Love street! This is the right way.

It is better to remain silence than to speak rudely when being provoked.

I am a professional transvestite, so I can run about in heels and not fall over.

I've seen schizophrenics who are so hopeless, you couldn't cheer them, and their lives are miserable and they end up as suicides. That's not right.

I developed osteoporosis of the personality. My thought processes became brittle.

Either kill me or take me as I am, because I'll be damned if I ever change.

If it works, it's obsolete.

You know, sometimes you have to remember the bad things so that you can learn from them.

If you become restless, speed up. If you become winded, slow down. You climb the mountain in an equilibrium between restlessness and exhaustion.

Sire, you are looking at a plain man, and I am looking at a great man. Each of us may benefit.