What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

Earth, " Alexa finally said. "It's not that great anyway." And they all smiled sadly. Because, of course, it was everything.

My music is homegrown from the garden of New Orleans. Music is everything to me short of breathing. Music also has a role to lift you up - not to be escapist but to take you out of misery.

I write of youth, of love, and have access by these to sing of cleanly wantonness.

You can have all the capabilities; if you don't have the quality people, you don't have much.

My mind is just as open as it ever was, professor. But it's a scientific mind, and there's no place in it for superstitions.

I think an actor can actually gather moments, memories and emotions for his next character. So, it's a constant work.

Steven Barnes is uniquely powerful in helping others balance their physica and emotional arenas along a path of unifying purpose.”

Happiness is a ball after which we run wherever it rolls, and we push it with our feet when it stops.

I do enjoy animated movies.

Photographers, it is true, do not work but they do do something: They create, process, and store symbols.