What are you guys doing? If you anted me to take a shower, all you had to do was pay me ten bucks, like you usually do

Good memories are like charms...Each is special. You collect them, one by one, until one day you look back and discover they make a long, colorful bracelet.

Your mind creates your reality. If you expect nothing, you open up the universe to give you options. If you expect the worst, you usually get it.

A friend of mine once defined love as finding someone you can talk to late into the night

Some poeple just don't have what it takes to appreciate a cookie.

Oh great. Yoda captured us.

Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.)

They call me, The Sharkalator

At that moment I had no mind to change, or not change, or throw against the nearest wall.

I don't get a chance to be funny with the thrillers. I like to be funny, and I think I am really funny. So with 'Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life', it was fun to let loose.

I had to give him props, but how annoying of him to be a hero when I was trying so hard to dislike him. It was downright selfish.

Believing in yourself is one of the greatest things that you could ever do for yourself. But the greatest is loving yourself unconditionally.

I knew I was not alone. They would never leave until ever last one of us was gone.

When I look around today, the biggest anachronism I see is pregnancy. I just can't believe that people are still pregnant.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

Jeb Bush has being slammed by his own party for a very messy response to questions about his brother's war in Iraq. He should have been ready for this one.

To be haunted by past failures or satisfied with past successes is to arrest forward motion.

He was, albeit only briefly, the hero of the world's hopes.

One of the things I would love to do, by the time I die, is be in every single genre. That would be really fun. I get to shoot guns and jump out of a helicopter.

Films are amazing. To be a part of a movie is the greatest. It's so historic and exciting.

People ask how I think up my thoughts. Mostly I think them up while reading Paul Simon's lyrics.