What could be funnier than a fat person trying to run a marathon?

By puberty I learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single minded.

As long as we prioritize material truths over spiritual truths we will live in tyranny because we are living an illusion

You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from the idea that people are watching you.

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.

I get fixated when I'm bleeding -- I can see why they went in for blood-letting in the medieval times because it makes you feel a bit better. When I cut myself, the drama of it calms me down.

A library doesn't need windows. A library is a window.

There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

The bad-boy label is just an assumption.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

Write in the morning, revise in the afternoon, read at night, and spend the rest of your time exercising your diplomacy, stealth, and charm.

I never knew it was possible to be so miserable in so many ways.

You'll marry your studies? Marry your books? You already have one degree but you want another. You'll marry your degrees?

It is the responsibility of every Christ-centred follower to carve out a satisfying life under the loving rule of God or else sin will start to look good.

To those who have separated themselves from the Church, I say, my dear friends, there is yet a place for you here.

I looked like a ghost. And I should know. I’ve seen a few.

If you are distressed by something, it is due to your own estimate of it; and you have the power to change it at will.

What, really, was the difference between something hounding you and something leading you somewhere?

Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink.

As a rule, I don't worry about genre. I just want to tell a good story, with characters that interest me and my readers.