What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

If your altar is not active, your voice will not be strong

I wonder why when I told him that my chest still ached even though I had finally told him how I felt, he said, "So you finally realize how I've felt these past three years?" and laughed.

Patience is a bitter plant but it has sweet fruit.

No one ever said life was fair. Just Eventful.

Somehow when you see a politician kiss a baby, shake a hand -- kiss anything -- it is tainted.

Don't fall into the trap of studying the Bible without doing what it says.

The idea of holding back certainly didn't come from Scripture.

Aristocracy is a relative thing. And there are plenty of out-of-the-way places where the son of an upholsterer is the arbiter of fashion and reigns over a court like any young Prince of Wales.

Men choose a religion, but a Christian is chosen by Jesus Christ.

A celebrity is someone famous for being well known