What do men want? Men want a mattress that cooks.

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, "Just wait."

How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit a suicide?

Friends are just enemies who don't have enough guts to kill you.

I turned down a date once because I was looking for someone a little closer to the top of the food chain.

Love Goddess in training. It could happen.

I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor didn't exist.

I'm half-Italian and half-Polish. So I'm always putting a hit out on myself.

You can't get a body like mine in a bottle unless you push real hard.

My work is a mitzvah for the eyes & ears...and it will help you forget about your problems by thinking about mine for a change!

I am more comfortable doing comedy, and I want to perform comedy. When you can really make someone laugh, that's a healing experience. It's like music. A lot of music is really healing.

Science, I am told, is making great strides, experimenting, groping after things which no sane man has ever dreamed of before – without being burned alive for it.

You only become truly rich the day you possess something that money cannot buy.

I've always found that the best travelers are the very same people who are intensely interested in the history and culture of their own home city.

A self is a repertoire of behavior appropriate to a given set of contingencies.

elliptical, adj. The kiss I like the most is one of the slow ones. It’s as much breath as touch, as much no as yes. You lean in from the side, and I have to turn a little to make it happen.

There's always tomorrow; that's the martial way.

I try to spend a lot of time thinking of what it is I want to say, and how I want to say it. Mainly because I know what it's like as a fan to hear music that is just exactly what I needed.

One of my rules is never explain. A writer is a lot like a magician, if you explain how the trick works then a lot of the magic turns mundane.

I think in reading a few sentences of text you can just tell the tone, and that's something I love in prose writers.

That is kind of you, my lord. But I will never dance with you.' Which, of course, made it the goal of Leo's life.