What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

Health, wealth, happiness, live long and always prosper, have families and also friends, let them be lasting in me forever.

Wisdom is the spine of a business, money is its oxygen, and God is its strength and life.

The stability of the structure is directly related to the security of the foundation

What deep violence does the mind invent / As polar opposite to love. (In 'Hat Love').

Every day was a good day at UCLA.

Don't worry about losing. Think about winning.

I have good relationships with Hillary Clinton, Joseph Biden and especially Richard Holbrooke - he is my teacher. I learned a lot of great things from him.

If a girl comes into your arms, that's pretty romantic.

I think your life is full of first loves because every time you love someone new, you love them in a different way.

Understanding is by the flame of the passions never enlightened, but dazzled.