What do you want a clock for?” “To find out what time it is,” I said. “I think that’s the usual purpose.

I know family comes first, but shouldn't that mean after breakfast?

I don't know if you have noticed this, but it is quite possible for two human beings to have a conversation in which one or both parties involved has absolutely no idea what they're talking about.

No big deal. We all have blood in us, the trick is keeping it inside.

Nothing in life is fair. Fair is a dirty word and I'll thank you not to use that language around me.

Life's only obligation, afterall, was to be interesting.

I often find myself in situations where it seems to me like everyone else has read the instruction book

But as I have noticed on more than one occaision, life itself is unfair, and there is no complaint department, so we might as well accept things the way they happen, clean up the mess, and move on.

And I was having too much fun to stop now.

you can’t use logic on human behavior.

Our universe is ruled by random whim, inhabited by people who laugh at logic.

It doesn’t matter if she wanted it or not. No self-respecting man would offer something like that to a girl, especially one that’s drunk.

People first concern themselves with meeting their basic needs; only afterwards, do they pursue any higher needs.

A smile can get you far, but a smile with a gun can get you further.

Scripture has always been a part of my life. My dad was a pastor. My mother was a speaker, writer, and teacher. I memorized Scripture from the time I was little.

Our lives are a mosaic of little things, like putting a rose in a vase on the table.

Doom 2 is just such a bigger, badder, better version of Doom

To hell with facts! We need stories.

...She Let Him Just Sit There and Be Happy.

Charm is the ability to insult people without offending them; nerdiness the reverse

I get terrific health care.