What does it feel like to get shot?" "I don't recommend it," said Nellie in a controlled voice. "Chocolate is definitely better.

Ask yourself: 'Do I feel the need to laminate?' Then teaching is for you.

When we lock things away," he said with conviction, "we're really imprisoning ourselves.

The dog always dies. Go to the library and pick out a book with an award sticker and a dog on the cover. Trust me, that dog is going down.

If it isn't on YouTube, it might as well have never happened.

Ask me. I'm a cow expert.

In our family, you don't get a childhood. We're too busy trying to dominate the world.

The thing about a cavity search is this: it has nothing to do with the dentist.

What did Romeo and Juliet do?” They died,” I remind her gently. “Some mix-up with the poison-

Don't think of it as losing a boyfriend. Think of it as gaining a stalker." -Dan Cahill

I hate France. It's like the whole country's on a diet

Have faith in the universe and its capability to lead you to the path of abundance.

I've decided to be happy because it's good for my health.

If your time hasn't come not even a doctor can kill you.

I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time.

If I'm doing my hair myself, I just wash it and let it naturally dry. I'm actually quite good at doing hair; if I wear it up I usually do it myself.

I was accorded the opportunity to learn by failing - albeit at the cost of a few honourable teachers' sanity - and now I realise what a rare and incredible luxury that is.

I'm totally addicted to Japanese anime, and spend way, way, way too much time watching it.

When I was young, I kept a diary for about 10 years and I had to write in it every day. Even on days when nothing seemed to happen, I made myself think of something to put in it.

Have the fearless attitude of a hero and the loving heart of a child.

I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore