What greater blessing to give thanks for at a family gathering than the family and the gathering.

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

Cherish the friend who tells you a harsh truth, wanting ten times more to tell you a loving lie.

You can spend too much time wondering which of identical twins is the more alike.

Ever wonder what crime you committed that you are confined to a small enclosure above your sinuses, under permanent skull arrest?

If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that "Members not Present" and "Subjects Discussed" were one and the same.

It finally happened. I got the GPS lady so confused, she said, "In one-quarter mile, make a legal stop and ask directions.

For the most part, we carnivores do not eat other carnivores. We prefer to eat our vegetarian friends.

On a windswept hill by a billowing sea, my destiny sits and waits for me.

It is not that love is blind. It is that love sees with a painter's eye, finding the essence that renders all else background.

Seize every opportunity along the way, for how sad it would be if the road you chose became the road not taken.

With grace and beauty, feel.

We must stop this unimaginable atrocity before it becomes a reality.

Your practical results will improve when you play what you know, like and have confidence in.

My eyes feel all soft, all soft as flesh. I'm going to sleep.

Come on Sandy, baby, loosen up, your too tight.

I think God has blessed us. He has blessed the Republican Party with some very good candidates. The Democrats can't even find one.

Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!

I have a lot of funny friends, though not everyone's funny all the time. Doon Mackichan's my funniest friend in the pub; Nina Conti's the funniest with a monkey.

If the Tiber rises too high, or the Nile too low, the remedy is always feeding Christians to the lions.

Futurists get to a certain age and, as one does, they suddenly recognize their own mortality.