What happened? Satan was busy?

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.

There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.

Obviously I'm not a role model for impressionable youth.

Every generation has someone who steps outside the norm and offers a voice for the unspeakable attitudes of that time. I represent everything that's supposed to be wrong, everything that's forbidden.

It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!

Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.

Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa.... beeeee.... ceeee.

Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row.

Civilization was a defense against nature’s raw power.

The essence of sin is self-will—placing ourselves at the center of our lives instead of Christ.

In the days approaching Christmas, she always reminds me of the previous year: 'Jane crocheted you an entire poncho, and all you gave her was a bone-shaped beach stone.

Feast and your halls are crowded Fast and the world goes by.

I can be a goofball sometimes. I love having a good time and being carefree.

If you live cautiously, your friends will call you wise. You just won't move many mountains

The deeper side of the study occurs on levels of attention your mind is not aware of, but that your superconscious mind is - what don Juan calls the nagual.

Food is really and truly the most effective medicine.

It's not always what you say that matters, sometimes it's what you don't say.

A man's heterosexuality will not put up with any homosexuality, and vice versa.