What ho!" I said. "What ho!" said Motty. "What ho! What ho!" "What ho! What ho! What ho!" After that it seemed rather difficult to go on with the conversation.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

We are willing to believe anything other than the truth.

Age doesn't determine maturity. It's the depth of life that does, not its duration.

My life is quite a blissful adventure because my thoughts are constantly working in my favor. I hope yours are not working against you?

At home in Ireland, there's a habit of avoidance, an ironical attitude towards the authority figure.

It would be great to be recognised for my achievements, but Sports Personality isn't about that.

Imagination encircles the world.

The acting part is easy; it's the preparing - lifting weights and getting your body in tip-top shape - that's the hard part.

I did plenty of crazy stuff, but I did a lot of charity stuff. You can't stop. You want to continue to taste, and sometimes that's crazy, stupid things.

Our daily decisions create the scrapbook of our life.

I had trouble hanging around [Shelley Long] until we stood onstage together, and then I was in heaven.