What if there's no such thing as PMS, and this is just my personality?

False hope is better than no hope at all.

Love is like skydiving without a parachute.

Of course I believe in hell. I have three brothers.

A person without regrets is called a corpse.

A wedding is no way to begin a marriage.

You guys gotta get a license to drive a Geo, but any doofus with a few good swimmers can be a father.

Taxes for people with too much damned time on their hands.

Expect stupid. It's everywhere.

The trouble with insanity is it can flare up at the most inconvenient moments.

If men were necessary in the procreation process, they'd have gone the way of the dodo bird long ago.

Your soul is your sacred self.

God does business with those who mean business.

Suffering raises up those souls that are truly great; it is only small souls that are made mean-spirited by it.

With stand-up, there's a little bit of an exaggerated reality because things have to be manipulated to create comedy, to create jokes.

It seemed to me that I had come for the first time close to the soil of my native country, and could feel for the first time running in my veins Russia's vastness, her potency, her strength.

On the other side of the screen, it all looks so easy.

I'd made enough made money by the time I was 12 to never work again, so it's not about a big pay check with me.

I can't turn off the way I think, and that's essentially who I am, who anybody is.

When you are not willing to fully receive, you are training the universe not to give to you! It's simple: if you aren't willing to receive your share, it will go to someone else who is.

There is a value in taking a stand whether or not anybody may be noticing it, and whether or not it is a risky thing to do.