What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language... Apache.

Be so good they can't ignore you.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

Relationships end, but they don't end your life. But people do often spending more time finding out about failed relationships than finding successful ones.

Relationships end, but they don't end your life.

Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.

I am filled with abundance, gratitude, and love.

It was the calm before the storm, and holy crap, my bones knew it was going to be the storm of my life.

I would take up any small job on the sets, just so that I could hang around with the hope of getting noticed.

I have learned from nature that all is equal... all is equal and in balance. I see everything as fitting together.

The good ideas will survive.

Work is a form of nervousness.

If a man cannot forget, he will never amount to much.

You can talk about your Psalms and your John 3:16. Well, Austin 3:16 says I just whooped your *ss.

On the pavement of my trampled soul the steps of madmen weave the prints of rude crude words.