What is normal? Normal was yesterday. If you lose a leg, one day you're hopping around on one leg, so you know the difference.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

No matter their party, people with a conflict of interest should be banned from the Electoral College.

My dreams kind of came through when I went to see the cinema.

It's okay to be successful and it's also okay to be happy with your success even though it might not be easy.

Complimenting someone in an exaggerated way is known as flattery, and flattery will generally get you anything you want.

We insist that God must surely lead everyone as we believe He has led us. We refuse to allow God the freedom to deal with each of us as individuals. When we think like that, we are legalistic.

The church is always trying to get other people to reform, it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little, by way of example

The reasoning man who scorns the prejudices of simpletons necessarily becomes the enemy of simpletons; he must expect as much, and laugh at the inevitable.

It's very rare that you have a liberal run as an unabashed liberal. They have to lie about it. They have to mask who they are. And in order for them to survive and thrive, they have to keep that up.

It's like why people read scary books or go see scary movies. Because it creates a distance. They're scared, but they're not going to get hurt.

A winner's attitude: it may be difficult, but it's possible. A loser's attitude: It may be possible, but it's too difficult.