What is that mountain goat doing way up here in the clouds?

Every week when my batch of weekly cartoons would go to FedEx, it felt like a small miracle. Then in a few days, it's 'Here we go again.'

I don't believe in the concept of hell, but if I did I would think of it as filled with people who were cruel to animals.

By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry'.

You always hear a headline like this, 'Man Killed By Shark', you never hear it from the other perspective, 'Man Swims in Shark Infested Waters, Forgets He's Shark Food'.

The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression.

It is a known fact that the sheep that give us steel wool have no natural enemies.

Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money.

You should always leave the party 10 minutes before you actually do.

The picture's pretty bleak, gentlemen... The world's climates are changing, the mammals are taking over, and we all have a brain about the size of a walnut.

The fuel light's on, Frank! We're all going to die! Wait, wait... Oh, my mistake - that's the intercom light.

You want money... Okay... Now few dollars... then few... then few... and poof everything is gone. That's call failure!

This has been done elegantly by Minkowski; but chalk is cheaper than grey matter, and we will do it as it comes.

I'm not sure I can think of any scenario more enjoyable than making 55,000 people from New York shut up.

Creation is in part merely the business of forgoing the great and small distractions.

Writers really live in the mind and in hotels of the soul.

The reason God can't use you more than He wants to may well be that you are not prepared.

It is so much easier to grieve for the dead than to care for the living. At least in death we are all perfect.

All great literary works influence us as writers, not their stories as much as their storytelling ability.

When I die of heart failure the next time you frighten me like that, you can put that on my gravestone —‘I didn’t mean to startle her

A modern Woman is not necessarily...s omeone who just buys expensive stuff... ...a modern Woman is someone who buys intelligently.