"What is the most beautiful word in the language?" The elderly lawyer quickly replied: "Home."

The enjoyment of life would be instantly gone if you removed the possibility of doing something.

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are.

It is a pity that instead of the Pilgrim Fathers landing on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock had not landed on the Pilgrim Fathers.

The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.

If you will refrain from telling any lies about the Republican Party, I'lll promise not to tell the truth about the Democrats.

As for food, half of my friends have dug their graves with their teeth.

The walk downstairs to the breakfast table is excercise enough for any gentleman.

The government of the United States is and always has been a lawyer's government.

There have been many Presidents of the United States and the roll will be indefinitely extended. We have had a number of brilliant soldiers, but only one great general.

I get my exercise acting as pallbearer to my friends who exercise.

Life is limited by death to make us hurry, though we can't change the past, atleast we change for good and to never repeat the same mistakes again.

Being lost without grasping the rather obvious fact that we are lost is by far the best guarantee we have that we’re going to stay lost.

You'll find God in the church of your choice, you'll find Woody Guthrie in the Brooklyn State Hospital.

I'm going to be 50 soon. I'm single, I'm looking for something meaningful. By the time you've been single for quite a long time, you can get quite specific about what you can and can't put up with.

Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man.

Make sure you have legal cover for what you're doing.

There's nothing stronger than a woman protecting her child

When will American men learn how to stand up to the nagging by the intolerant, uncivil feminists whose sport is to humiliate men?

Is this just what you do? You start to get involved, get scared when the emotions are too much, and then dream up any excuse you can to run? Or to invite the other person to dump you?

Axl and I came from completely different backgrounds. Because of that we made an interesting pair trying to figure each other out.