What kind of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.

In finding love, I think it's important to be patient. In being in a relationship, I think it's important to be honest, to communicate, to respect and trust, and to strive to give more than you take.

We all have our down days, but it's not hard to smile and say, 'Thank you.'

The offensive presence of Greg Ostertag is quite overwhelming sometimes!

I used to make love to Green Day's music. But 9 minutes? I'm not Superman.

The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.

To be a flamboyant failure, that's better than being any kind of benign success

Bring the child to the consciousness of his own dignity and he will feel free.

Let us not seek our disease out of ourselves; 'tis in us, and planted in our bowels; and the mere fact that we do not perceive ourselves to be sick, renders us more hard to be cured.

Less government in business and more business in government.