What kind of tyrant punishes everyone just to get back at the few he's mad at? I mean, besides Chris Christie.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

I ask not for any crownBut that which all may win

Truth shrilled in prison or cemetary.

In every relationship, the work is never just in the positive actions we do for each other, but in the follow up.

Lay hold of something that will help you, and then use it to help somebody else.

I don't think you necessarily identify and believe in the motifs of the character, but you have to want to play it and want to commit to the lines.

I like to go see a ball game. I'll have seven, eight, nine - 10 beers, and the second inning will roll around, and I gotta go.

You can have all the talent in the world, but if the pumper's not there, it doesn't matter.

The man was the finest preacher. He could make a frog stand up straight and get happy with Jesus.

When parents die, all of the partings of the past are reevoked with the realization that this time they will not return.

I think penguins are cute.