What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Until God draws you to himself, can you come close to Him.

I thought if I didnt take a break, I would do something even worse. Like yell or hang up the phone.

If you want to score a goal, you have to hit the target.

Just as the ability to devise simple but evocative models is the signature of the great scientist so overelaboration and overparameterization is often the mark of mediocrity.

Art leaves something to the listener; that's what separates art from craft.

All that is noble is in itself of a quiet nature, and appears to sleep until it is aroused and summoned forth by contrast.

President Trump and his family are complying with all the ethical rules, everything they need to do to step away from his businesses and be a full-time president.

If we repent, God always recycles our mistakes.

Every problem interacts with other problems and is therefore part of a set of interrelated problems, a system of problems. I choose to call such a system a mess.

Remember the White Knight.