What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

Don't hide your emptiness. Fill it with love and give it away to fill your life with joy.

When you're trapped in a prison, and your heart is broken, and you can't move a finger because you don't know what to do, that's when you wake up.

It was just the way he was made.

The aspirant has to be guided by a mentor. The stage at which this guidance can take effect is seldom, if ever, perceptible to the learner.

The thinking that got us to where we are is not the thinking that will get us to where we want to be.

Ricky Hatton would knock Khan out. 5 years ago or now.

Everyone else is just cocktails.

True compassion is more than throwing a coin to a beggar. It demands of our humanity that if we live in a society that produces beggars, we are morally commanded to restructure that society.

People are so complex that you can't possibly know anybody in 90 minutes.

In the United States, politics is a profession, whereas in Europe it is a right and a duty .