What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.

Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

Leaving your future to pot luck is holding you back, you are worth more than anything, yet why do you leave everything to chance?

Suicide is not a blot on anyone’s name

Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength.

The best advice I ever got was that knowledge is power and to keep reading.

The Cox Report documents a systematic, well-planned effort by the Chinese military at the highest levels to target and acquire technology for military modernization.

Comics seldom move me the way I would be moved by a novel or movie.

Metaphysics is a dark ocean without shores or lighthouse, strewn with many a philosophic wreck.

I think that's why I keep being drawn back to television, because I think it's one of the most creative outlets.

This was what I liked most about my friends: just sitting around & telling stories.

At the time the Sendmail program had a very poor reputation with respect to security, with four root vulnerabilities per year for two successive years.