What's the difference between a liberal and a conservative? A liberal will interpret the constitution, a conservative will quote it!

If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.

Poverty is not the root cause of crime.

Liberals attempt through judicial activism what they cannot win at the ballot box.

We're not sexists, we're chauvinists - we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want.

End results that work that don’t involve government threaten liberals.

You know why there's a Second Amendment? In case the government fails to follow the first one.

Styrofoam and plastic milk jugs are biodegradable! Do you know what isn't biodegradable? Paper!

I think cigars are just a tremendous addition to the enjoyment of life.

The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies.

In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?

In a well-ordered universe...camping would take place indoors.

Little by little the agents have taken over the world. They don't do anything, they don't make anything, they just stand and take their cut.

When the law fails to serve us, we must serve as the law.

Calculating does not equal mathematics. It's a subsection of it. In years gone by it was the limiting factor, but computers now allow you to make the whole of mathematics more intellectual.

I hope that the next time you go to a concert, the band doesn't play the song you wanna hear! And instead, they just play songs off their new album!

Why does anyone do the things they do?

Suicide is the #1 killer of a person who is in a boat and happens to be passing under a bridge at the wrong time.

The rich are richer, and the poor are poorer, in the city than elsewhere; and, as a rule, the greater are the riches of the rich and the poverty of the poor.

Man is able to do what he is unable to imagine. His head trails a wake through the galaxy of the absurd.

I haven't stopped working hard since I was 15.