What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?

While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.

The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.

I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.

Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don't like.

People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn't.

I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn't hit her.

Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.

God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.

Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!

The present becomes the past instantaneously. Look back by all means but remember that you’re moving forward.

Some must be warriors, that others may live in peace.

Public art existed all along, but ecological art just naturally grew out of my thinking and writings in that area for years. I didn't get involved in it; I started what then became a movement.

When I was growing up, they had just found radio.

Every living thing is a sort of imperialist, seeking to transform as much as possible of its environment into itself.

The whole world is an art gallery when you're mindful. There are beautiful things everywhere and they're free.

If you want to amend your errors, you must begin by amending your philosophy.

Time heals everything. Time corrects everything. Time is the solution to every problem, I believe. A lot of things can happen with time. All that has to be there is the intention.

More than anything else, I'd like to be an old man with a good face, like Hitchcock or Picasso.