What's the opposite of opposite? Consider yourself bamboozled!

Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'

Music's the best thing we do as humans, isn't it? Music, I mean you flail your limbs, make you move in a way you don't understand. Or it can make you weep like a sailor's wife staring at a storm.

I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted them all.

Are you recycling? Are you!? You just killed a polar bear! YOU!

Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are getting easier, in my day you had to do fifty questions in a minute, if you got one wrong, they killed your dad!

Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'

The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net.

'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'

I've never said flange to a monkey!

When you're three, you're into custard, and jumping.

Beauty, my first girlfriend said to me, is that inner quality often associated with great amounts of leisure time.

Evil never goes unpunished, Monsieur. But the punishment is sometimes secret.

The more we read, the better we are informed.

Good education is so important. We do need to look at the way people are taught. It not just about qualifications to get a job. It's about being educated.

Jealousy is the dragon in paradise; the hell of heaven; and the most bitter of the emotions because associated with the sweetest.

There is nothing so important in the family as the sacred quality of the meal.

Fortunately my career has never been about how I look, it's about how I can be.

I swam in high school.

I want to be remembered for the work that I've done, rather than the car accidents that I've gotten into, the men that I've not dated - or the man that I have.

Christ was either liar, lunatic, or Lord!